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God Dwells Within Me As Me

A line from what has become my favorite movie this year by far. Eat,Love,Pray  with Julia Roberts from the book with the same title written by Elizabeth Gilbert. She has somewhat become such an inspiration to me. Her story of finding God and herself in a way that some of us can only dream possible. So my one big vice is trying to “find my niche” with God, whatever you call IT. I have a head cold right now and when I’m sick I can not help but think back to my childhood of years ago when all I was ever told was that when I was sick I obviously had done something wrong in the eyes of the Lord and he was “punishing me”. Its something that creeps back every once in a while unfortunately. So then I freak out for a bit and wonder “is it because I’m not in church?” “is it because I’m not living right?” “is it because I thought a certain way?”???? Then a calm comes over me now and a very huge NO NO NO! It has nothing at all to do with any of that! I’m human and we get sick every now and then, plain and simple. This is the exact way of thinking and brow beating that I will not let my boys fall under.

I remember a fun-loving and very caring father, one I miss but for the so-called one sin according to him I choose to not give up. That would be my thoughts. I believe God is not just God the father, but also God the mother, and Our Creator, Great Spirit, the list really can go on. I believe not in just one doctrine alone but that they all are connected internally as puzzle pieces one with the other forming a total spiritual experience if you just let it. As I grew up and my mind and soul wandered my father became more and more distant and almost grieved and tormented by my thoughts and idea’s. He did push me away with his actions and words. For what? For a differnce in opinion maybe?

My two cents is this: God dwells within me as me. God isn’t this evil iron fisted tyrant that’s just chomping at the bit waiting on his perch for you to mess up just once so he can rein hellfire and brimstone down on you with 40 plagues. That’s obviously my father and most of his family that have the corner of that market. I’m not going to beat myself up anymore and so here’s the Pos in the Neg, When your sick its your body’s way of saying “hey I need a timeout” and so you take a few days to chillax and veg in front of the tv or my case the computer. Then you go on.