Whether you work outside of the home or stay at home, whether you’re the mother or the father. The actual role of mother and father differ in any case. Remember watching “Mr. Mom” with Michael Keaton? His woes were not unlike a lot of the same us Stay At Home Mommies (SAHM) are. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, kids, play groups, mommies groups… the list goes on and when the Mom got home as is with lots of Dad’s out there she was tired and just wanted to rest from a very hard day at work. What about that poor Dad like most of us SAHM’s full day of work. That not many think is work, even in my own family I get told I sit at home and “do nothing”, yet their laundry is mysteriously folded and put in their drawers, everything ends up being put in its place by fairies and the dirt just disappears. According to some I spend all day watching soaps or playing on the computer. I can tell you I haven’t watched a soap ever being a SAHM unless I was visiting my Grams while she was alive. Now I have spent days on the computer, playing? Maybe some games but I blog, I edit the pics of my babies, I read about the world news or maybe a book, magazine, listen to some really terrific music or just chat with friends and family. I love to learn and have the world at my fingertips and access is such a blessing to us all to not use it. But I digress.
SAHMs or Dad’s to you ever feel that your “single yet married”? I do and I’ve had a very hard time trying to deal with it. The first thing you have to do is talk to your spouse and relay your feelings of needing help. You can’t just keep it all bottled up in side and expect them to read your mind of needs. They may not know and as a couple in a mature adult relationship you should have open communication of feeling and thought. I often felt put off by my hubby and as I would just do everything started to get that hateful feeling of maybe if I’m going to be single yet married i should just be single. NO!!!!! If your already thinking that please go talk to your spouse, communication, communication, communication!!!!! The world is so full of people just giving up and throwing away good things, relationships are one of them.
As I said I had these feelings a couple of years ago. Hubs leaves for work at 4:45a and gets home about 3 or 4p depending on if he’s had an emergency or not to finish fixing. He works with his brother at a plumbing company. Not plumbers, pipe layers and fixers. He works with a lot of machinery, in deep holes and needs to be alert in his job. When he gets home he’s got the farm to care for; watering and feeding, fixing fence or doctoring the sick, then supper and homework help with the boys as I clean up. After I’m done I take over the homework and the rest of the night with showers, pick-up and school readiness for the next day as Daddy get ready to go to bed. This used to bother me and how many of us SAHMs think this way. You know the thoughts “it’s not fair. i do everything. he does nothing. I’m tired too. and then he wants to cuddle” It truly used to drive me just batty! Then I started looking at it from his perspective and the lack of sleep he gets because he gets up when everyone asleep to check things and if an animal needs help. He gets up the earliest, he doesn’t grip at all when I spend some money on me for something of frivolity. He works in the extreme cold or heat outside in all the elements while I’m at home sleeping in or enjoying blogging and my cup of coffee. All he asks is at the end of a very long day to go to sleep early and when he wakes as I’m falling asleep to show me how much he loves me. He never complains yet I complain loads and he listens because he loves me.
So one night when the kiddo’s were at their grandparents I relayed my woes of fatigue. To my surprise he was very understanding and even apologized for not helping as much. Since then we have set up a system. Sun-Thurs are my nights for clean up and kiddo care, he stays up a bit to help extra with homework or reading. Fri and Sat he takes over and I go to bed early or whatever. When it comes to “couple time” if you must schedule then do it! But make time to be together and relive and keep alive the love you have. The Bible tells us that we need each other, we do not own ourselves we are each others. When you give yourself in marriage you love heart, body and soul and that love doesn’t go away. Oh we get down and angry at situations and outcomes but that love that need doesn’t go away and as you married you owe it to your spouse to honor that commitment. So am I “single yet married”? Yeah… but only during deer rifle season 😀
1 Corinthians 7:2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.