I have been happily married for almost 9 years. Add another year to that and that’s how long I’ve been with the love of my life. Although we’ve known each other for over 20 yrs. I am 6 yrs older than him and as a teen I meet him when he was 10 yrs old. He was the most annoying child. Ours is a unique situation for our family however not so unique to the world. I married my step-brother. His father married my mother.
We didn’t grow up together and shortly after I graduated high school I took off and didn’t come back until he had graduated. I got married to my first husband and had a my oldest. After a couple of years of cheating and lying I moved home. By this time my step brother at the time had graduated and was a very nice young man. I wasn’t attracted to him in that way at all, and all this time though he always had the hugest crush on me and I never knew it!
So he had girlfriends, I had boyfriends and over the years he helped me so very much with my oldest. We’d go on outings, christmas shopping, out to eat, my oldest son looked at him as a father figure and I started seeing him in a different light. Not “that light” though, it’s just that I realized that I deserved to be treated like he would treat me, you know. We became very close friends, watch movies together, give relationship advice to each other, share our dreams and hopes for the future and wonder why we couldn’t find someone who was like the other. Years went by and so our closeness just formed a deeper bond.
It was spring of 2002 and I had just gotten out of a very abusive relationship the previous fall. I was not, I repeat NOT looking for anything. I do believe I had told my family that over my dead body would I marry and have more children again. I had moved home for the 6th time and I just was in “give up” mode. My father had remarried again and my new older step sister and I were going to get a place together. I liked the idea of living in the city since I was an insurance agent at the time and “married” to my work. So I yet again up rooted my son and packed it all up to move in with my father and his wife along with the step siblings until we could save the money to get out and into our own apartment.
I remember her and I talking about guys one night and her great need to find me “just the right one”. I didn’t want a guy, I was sick of all the crap that went with them along with. I had been putting my son through an emotional roller coaster with all the moving I’d done. I swore that where ever he started school was where I’d stay and he’d graduated! I wouldn’t move and switch schools on him as my parents did me ( I was a military brat and hated it ).
Easter weekend was upon us and my father and his wife had plans to go somewhere so I decided to take my son, little sister and little step sister down to the farm for a visit and stay the night. The older step sister had plans with her boyfriend. So we come down and my step brother is going out with friends. I tell ya I was pissed! I was thinking “how dare he when I came to visit! he should just stay because I’m here!” I didn’t say anything though and didn’t know why I felt the way I did. My mom ended up telling me about a girl he was checking out at the local market and how they had become friendly, she wondered how long before they were an item. Jealously stirred deep inside and again, I had no clue why. We had a nice visit with everyone and after the kids all were asleep I stayed up with my brother just chatting, really waiting for my step brother to come home. He did eventually and was a tad drunk but not too bad. We all stayed up and chatted for a bit and ended up somehow on the subject of relationships and such. I remember him telling me that he loved me and he’d be with me if only I’d love a poor man and agree to live in a shack. Like I said, he was a tad drunk, but when I looked into his eyes and asked him if that was actually true, he asked me right back if I could feel the same. Now here we are eye locked for a while and swarms of thoughts racing through my head. My brother says “its late and we should all hit the hay”. Yep! So I quickly went to my bed and pulled the covers over my head, hoping that the conversation would have been forgotten by the morning.
I got up early with the kids and did the “bunny thing” then we headed out actually before I could even have a conversation with my step brother. Wether or not he was avoiding me I still don’t know that answer, LOL. I went back home and that evening talked to my older step sister, she looked right at me and smiled and said, ” you’re in love with him” . If you’ve ever since “George Of The Jungle” the moment Ursula realizes she’s in love with George is exactly how it was for me. I couldn’t believe it, after all these years of friendship and what a line crossing. Leave it to me to put a kink in the family tree! We were going to have the house free for the next weekend and had decided to have my brother and his wife, step sister and her boyfriend and now me and my step brother all over to just “see”. Maybe he was like every other guy and just wanted a “notch” on his bed post, and THAT wasn’t going to happen!
My stepsister, and sis in law and I went out for drinks one night and were discussing the weekend. My father and her mother would be gone for the night so it would work out just fine. We’d get rid of the little sis’s and it was my ex husband’s weekend for our boy so no kids! Terrific! Well except I hadn’t called my step brother yet, and was a bit nervous, I mean here I was kinda going out on a limb here based on a drunken look and conversation, if I dove head first I really didn’t know if it was filled with water or empty. Would I be embraced with the love I had been searching for my whole life or used heart and soul and left empty like so many times before? I love LOVE so I had to take the leap of faith! It took some convincing thought from the girls and I believe they both said if I didn’t call then they would, so really I had no choice.
I called the house and my mom answered, I nonchalantly asked if he was there. She said no, he was over at his aunt’s house. Okay, so I called the aunt, no she said they just went to the cousin’s house. Okay, so reluctantly I called the cousin’s house, sooooo didn’t want to do that! But I’m a sucker for true love and all that crap! So my step brother gets on the phone and I can tell he’s wondering why on earth I’m calling him, mid-week, at his cousin’s house. Then I tell him about the planned weekend, and the sleeping arrangements and then he gets it. I truly would have loved to see the look on his face, LOL. From what he’s told me he thought it was a joke and was so stunned he really couldn’t believe what he had heard. I’m sure TOTAL SHOCK would be a good way to describe it.
It was all planned we were so happy and the next day was April Fools so you know what I did? I went to see my mom on my lunch break and told her that my step brother and I were in love and getting married! She was in such disbelief and refused to believe me. I’m not so sure I even believed myself. I mean, we were very close and great friends but we were about to “cross the line” and within the family that might be a bad deal if it didn’t work out, holidays could be tricky at best. I had no clue if he felt any thing more for me than a roll in the hay. I had not talked with him. My sis in law had though and she called me one night to let me know that while he was in shock he was very much looking forward to it and no pressure, slow was good. I was glad to hear that and still very unsure of a very unstable situation. One false move and the whole thing could tumble into a huge pile of bad really quick.
And it did, the very next day. One day before our big weekend. I was at work and I get a phone call from my father. He was livid! He had heard about our “love” weekend from the little sis’s and had canceled his weekend so ours couldn’t happen. He was appalled by my behavior and that fact that it was with a family member well that was just sacrilege! He said a number of horrid things that sent me into the back room crying and to this day I truly have blocked many of those things from my mind. It’s just not something I care to recall. My boss who I was very close with not only in age but as a friend came back to see what happened. I cried on his shoulder and he told me to take the rest of the day but to call him if I needed anything.
I went immediately home to pack a few things for me and my boy and then headed to my Grams house. My son was still at daycare and I explained it all to her. She was totally okay with the whole thing and said she could see it all along. I asked her why didn’t she clue me in on my feelings and she just patted my hand and said it was for me to figure out but that I needed to call my mom. So I did, and then after I explained it to her she said I needed to tell my step father, his dad. Oh my! I was instantly sick, I seriously thought I’d lose my lunch. Okay I thought, cowboy up girly! I took a deep breath and told him that my father and I had gotten into it again. He wasn’t surprised and then he asked me what it was this time ( to give you some history, my father and I are so very much alike that we fought like cats and dogs constantly ) Okay so here’s where I had to tell my step father that I was in love with his son, not knowing if the feelings were even going to be reciprocated. I was so very scared, not scared of his reaction, scared for my heart… I didn’t know if I could handle another break. But I had to try, that’s me the hopeless romantic!
I wish I could have seen his reaction. He didn’t say a word for a long while and then after a bit he said, “well I guess you and that boy oughtta just come on home then”. We hung up and I told my Grams everything and went to pick up my son and head home. All the while I’m driving home I ‘m thinking to myself, what if this is all one-sided, what if he doesn’t feel the same, what am I going to do? I shouldn’t have said anything, I shouldn’t have even had these thoughts!
My step brother told me this years later: While I was driving home having all these thoughts race through my mind. He walks through the door of the house and greeted by his father with a smile and the words, ” just talked to your girlfriend, she’s on her way home “. He thinks “what?” And by the look on his face I’m sure that was a clue that my step dad realized that his son didn’t have a real idea of who or what he was talking about. So he fills him in on our conversation and the fact that I love him 110%. He was in TOTAL SHOCK, he had to go outside on the porch and get some air but out there in the air thinking all the things and putting the two and two’s together he came to the same conclusion that I had. After all the relationships that we’d had over the last couple years we always compared our mates to each of us. We were best friends, could tell each other anything so why was it so hard to believe that we fell in love? ( by the way everyone around us already could see it, we just took longer in seeing it. OH and my mother never did believe us until weeks and weeks later. she just thought for sure it was the biggest April fool’s joke ever )
So I get there and we just look at each other, we don’t say much but our eyes said a lot believe me. I called my boss and ended up having the next morning off to go move out all my stuff and then come back for a meeting that afternoon. My step brother, now boyfriend, helped me. Over the weeks we talked and talked. We realized we were perfect for each other and that we did truly love one another so very much.
My mom told me years later that she had cornered him one day and asked him if he was serious and was this thing really for real? He looked right at her and without hesitation said, ” I love her and I love that boy. Somebody need to take care of her, it might as well be me, I know everything about her. I’ve loved her forever.” That was when my mom finally realized this was real and not an April fool’s joke.
Like I said its been almost 10 yrs all together since we first realized our love for each other. And I’m happy to say that my father and I have a very good relationship now. My wonderful husband and I have two other boys along with my oldest from the first marriage. ( As I recall one of the last boyfriends I had my oldest didn’t like and had asked me why couldn’t I just marry Uncle then we could all by a family, at the time of course I scoffed but maybe that was the bug in my ear.)
Romeo’s out there, for me he was in my own back yard, LOL. Everyone in the family had been totally okay with it, at the beginning I can’t remember how many times I heard “well its about time you two got together”. You have to take that leap of faith, and while you may get hurt you also never know how caught in total blissful love you might become either.